AHyumi

Powershot G11 or S90??
Omg, i really want that job + i want to get a nice p&s camera + i really want to buck up for my studies!

Proud of myself for not giving up and not going to the loo as intended! hahaha.

I really love the time when dawn is breaking, really love the time where the cold wind blows and I stand in the open air just breathing..
I like the beach, i like looking at changi airport in a distance!
Hm, what am I looking for at the end of the day.

The thing is, its not the pride thing (or anything people think) that i cant put down.
It is the thing about having more opportunities.
That i probably dont know if i deserve..

I failed to fulfill my resolution to confront people about what i really dont like about them..
Recently, in fact, two incidents happened and I couldnt bring myself to confront them.. Ended up telling my closest and.. let it be.

First, it was Alan. He was a friend, but now i've kinda lost it. Lost it due to our different values and beliefs. Couldnt understand the way he behaves, like why he would claim one thing and do another. The thing is, i think he knows why i sianed off and walked away for break without asking him along again, but i dont know if he knows that i left because i was this part of his spontaneity i didnt understand. I never had to deal with this, i guess i didnt know what to do. I left and we've never, never talked again.

Second, it was group member A and B.
Didnt like member A's richkid attitude. confronted her and got even more upset with the way she handled things but well, she could have done worse. B, on the other hand, i have no idea what to do now that i know more. Just hope it will end real soon..

Now.. what should i do?
Leave my resolution alone or confront my fears and talk to them..? ): geez, i'm so weird i dont know what to do.

CALLING FOR CAMWHORE BUDDIES TSANG BIAN ZHEE CHOO BOYFRIEND AND MOREEEEE! I'M DYING HERE BECAUSE I DONT HAVE A REAL REAL CAMERA TO TAKE HAPPY HAPPY PICTURES AND NOBODY NOBODY WILL WANT TO CAMWHORE WITH ME EXCEPT FOR YOU ALL SO I AM REAL GRUMPY I CANT SLEEP I DONT WANT TO MAKE MY EYEBAGS GO AWAY ANYMORE BECAUSE THERES NO POINT IN MAKING THEM GO AWAY ANYWAY ):

AND I HAVENT USED MY TOY CAMERA IN AGES I WONDER IF I SHOULD BRING IT TO SCHOOL TOMORROW TO SNAP RANDOM UNIDENTIFED AND UNMOTIVATED PHOTOS JUST SO I CAN GO DEVELOP THE FILM AT I FORGOT WHERE UGH. BOYFRIEND IS HAVING HIS FIRST BATCH OF RECRUITS TODAY AND HE'S GOING TO BE REAL BUSY BUT I SHALL ASK HIM TOMORROW ABOUT THE VENUE WHEN THE SUN IS OUT. BUT WHEN THE SUN IS OUT THE GP GEOG RESULTS WILL BE OUT TOO AND MY FATE WILL BE DECIDED. ALTHOUGH I HAVE FAITH SINCE I HAVE TRIED MY BEST, I AM STILL UNPREPARED FOR ANY DISAPPOINTMENTS AND YES I DONT MAKE SENSE OH NO. AH WELL BUT IF I GET MY WISHED FOR A/B FOR GEOG I WILL GET MY HANDS ON INSTAX WIDE OKAY GOSH THAT MIGHT JUST PLUNGE MY MOOD TO ZERO TMR IF I FAIL HEHE MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE BETTED WITH MYSELF FOR CHEM INSTEAD AND SURPASS MY OWN EXPECTATIONS BY ALOT ALOT WHEEE.

INCOHERENTLY I AM CONSTANTLY REMINDED THAT I NEED TO RUN AND NOT DIE FOR 15K WAHHHHH BUT I AM TOO LAZY I JUST REJECTED SARA TO RUN TOMORROW OMG OKAY I SHALL SLEEP UGH. I HAVE FINISHED MY BOOK AND MOVING ON TO ANOTHER NOW AND I HAVE FINISHED ALL MY GUU EPISODES FROM GUU TO FINAL TO DELUXE AND NOW I HAVE NOTHING I REALLY WANT TO DO. MAYBE I SHOULD ATTEMPT TO COOK AGAIN BUT ITS LATE. OK I WILL GO GET PANCAKES MIX TOMORROW AND MAKE PANCAKES YUMM. ALRIGHT SUPPER IS BAD FOR THE BODY I SHALL GO SLEEP NOW BUT A HUNGRY MAN IS A GRUMPY MAN SO I'LL BE GRUMPY x2

Before the day ends, i want to shout out to the most disagreed upon yet honest bestie.
Happy birthday tsang!
May your superstar life become supermoon and please dont let your disgusting ankle die! 

The simple things that makes me want to wake up everyday -

( photos: in pink, in red, in pictures where colors aren't what matters the most anymore  )

Some things cannot be captured and though.

Like Ben Oh's Burps,
Consultations,
The bus or train trips of silent reflection,
Mr Ng's bribes which he used to deter us from getting our treat (HAHA),
My hair when it is too horrible (only meant to sting your eyes permanently, of course),
And how I have grown but you dont see it because I have been growing up slowly so you cant realise the difference with your naked eye, aye. :)

Bummer mummer hummer,
Actually Love being in Taiwan isn't as horrible as it seems anymore..
It's not as though he went for OBS or something! The last time i went for OB + Japan it was total disconnection with love hahaha I swear that was more exciting and feels way worse than now. But it's scary to know that you had to fall out! ):X (see, crossed and wrinkled forehead) It seems quite unique an experience though, can't wait for you to be back to tell me moreeee (: (: (: 
Gosh, i feel so retarded in the library today lol lol lol. I slept so much! But at least I did chem today okay go go me and everyone else.
btw Hello Kitty Happy Meal Toys are sold out for the week AGAIN! Gosh why are the HKs sold out so quickly it's soooo weird. So annoying too. ROARRRR. But at least i have the 1992 HK so i'm still a happy girl and I think i will stop my obsession before it silently clogs up my vessels.

Things to do this week: 
1. trim my overgrown hairrrrr! 
2. win more aeroplane chess!!
3. understand math 6D!!! 
4. Do something about Econs!!!!

Hello there. I am so happy because I could hear your voice, hear that you are okay, feel that you are not feeling unwell, and glad that you are safe despite the weird constant images of toppling buildings in taiwan eh! Hope it was pretty fun for you over there.. Haha.

I am still not doing eom, this is bad. But i dont want to do anything about that lol.

Class gems outing was okay, i mean, i had expected most of the girls to not turn up. Kinda lost my hopes of that happening already, so whatever, I'm getting used to it. I came late and it still felt like lots of people werent around.. Ah well, at least shitong anna bee huiing sara went.. So i'm okay.. As for the guys.. Well, used to the weird people and the nice ones already so it doesnt bother me anymore. Guitar heroes, running hamster, olympic, wii sports, wii bowling, pool, then dinner with shitong ben and alan. Got another hello kitty whoots! 

Hope it's floorball for pe tomorrow! And I hope i will catch up during math lecture.. impt topic..

(Photo credit to st.com)
HELLO KITTY HAS BEEN FEATURED IN THE 44 REASONS TO LOVE SINGAPORE HEH!

Time flies slower than I think it already is..

I really really truly enjoyed national day celebrations this year, must be because of thespian Ivan Heng! (: See, theatre brings ndp to a whole new heartwarming and personal level hehe! There's no longer this rigid flow of events for ndp, but an attempted flow of events.. Pretty enjoyed the way the whole show was weaved together.. Haha.. Some really informaive yet intriguing chapters, and there's still the traditional songs and ceremonies presented with slightly different twists. Plus points to this year's ndp!

But I'd especially disliked some parts which felt like shadows of Zhang Yimou's Olympics Opening ceremony! Like the image projections on the ground (But smart copying, nonetheless) and the horribly weird abseiling men from the HDB lookalikes.. And perhaps too much dumbed down, Singlish emcees that made the whole show so.. Singaporean - so informal, like wearing slippers in a wedding dinner? Don't know, I always have this thinking that overly Singlish-fied stuff loses it's appeal in big shows because the way it is presented is usually it's too proper to be Singlish yet too improper to be English.. And being retarded on National Day did not feel like such a good idea either, or so I felt.

Oh oh! And I thought that the national day song is pretty good, no? Its no longer the typical patriotical songs but it still has meanings and it isnt that hard to hum the tunes! And for a musically disabled like me, I thought that it is a vast improvement from the recent years of "modernizing" national day songs.. Hm.. Welcome to a new generation of Singapore now.. We embrace the past and welcome the future :D Applaud to ndp this year! hearts hearts lots and lots and I wish Boyfriend is okay and here with me to enjoy this whole new feeling of being rooted to Singapore..

Lalala, here I am, bursting with Singaporean pride and there you are, preparing to protect the nation (nods in understanding), braving through some typhoon that looks destructive on tv.. Haha, oh my dad made a good point. By placing the army ranks on the chest area of the new army uniforms just makes the high ranked dudes more susceptible to being killed in a real war, no? Imagine yourself an enemy looking through your binoculars and spot the high ranks, right on the opponents' chest, you take out your rifle and aim at the rank, tadah! enemy more likely to die. =.= How vivid imagination we all possess, haha.

I cant seem to work on my eom properly. grahh! *runs away, going to attempt tutorial 6D*
So I will move on to yet another day, hoping for you to be safe. Maybe I'll get another Happy Meal tomorrow.

1992 Hello Kitty is finally mine!!
Hehe.

Today, I faced the oddity of life and grew up a wee bit more than usual.
Things took for an unexpected turn today, I think it has changed me and my perception of many people and things, but I hope this will become a change for the better.

The long story goes;
I was told to attend some talk at the avt, for what I least expected to be asked to go for, because I was disillusioned by Person K.

Mrs Chin was there, giving this talk that I had heard Ben talk about.. Well, it totally spiralled me down the whole stairway of being kept in denial from things I wanted, needed and was always ready to know, i.e. I am still not doing well enough for my studies.

I spent the rest of the day thinking and thinking about how I might have landed myself into such a situation, but alas, made things worse.

I headed back to Nanyang with Tsang and Huishan to study, and on my way out, met Yingci, told her to join us. And wow, I'd actually took her for granted by forgetting to find Yingci before I left.. Don't understand why I was so preoccupied (But now I do understand...) but I really feel like the worst ever. Yingci, if you see this, I'm really really sorry okay ): 

Towards evening, I was still very preoccupied by my oversensitive, overreacting thoughts, and I decided to head back to Hwach with Tsang, as I might as well submit the I&Is and stop having reasons for teachers to breathe down my neck. Awesome, it must have been the worst move ever because I'd accidentally found out another matter which I didn't need to know (But since I do, the damage is done, I feel hurt and cheated). So good job, pat on my back, I have just figured out that I have once again been hidden from truths that I wanted, needed and was always ready to know. It's like striking lottery and striking it again consecutively, and it was so hard trying to keep those tears back. I was pissed, upset, irritated, disturbed by K's actions and I felt like my life is being pieced together by this vague unknown stranger who thinks that he knows best, and distributes his knowledge of me to everyone else as though his information are credible. I moved on, in tears and I really couldnt wait to get the hell out of school.

I'd always prefer to be upset about finding out the truth, then to be kept from the real truth. Lies build up, and that's how lies work, don't they? By telling me partial, incorrect truths thinking that it is a softer approach will only make me feel worse when I find out about the truth, no? The damage will ultimately be done on myself and bore by myself, no? Using this soft approach will only make you feel better about yourself. And that hurts me in the process. So yup, ouch, the wound starts to tear open and bleed.

When I am stressed, I know how I behave - over-sensitive, overreactive, over-defensive, paranoid, easily agitated. I hurt myself in the process so I always try not to fall into this gaping hole of misunderstanding but it always happens.

Which was where Ezra came into the picture, and I am still thankful for this random and unexpected turn of events. After the whole hw submission incident, I was totally ready to grab my bag from the canteen and run away home or anywhere to hide myself and die. But in gulps of tears (gosh, I am so bad at concealing my emotions nowadays..), amidst all the depression, oddly came along a long lost friend whom I had least expect to meet a such a strange time. It felt comforting to see my crazy, happy friend again, and I am really glad that he'd made me sit down to think and talk about what went on.

Gosh, you're right dude, this whole depressing incident feels a tad similar to my past experiences all over again.

Had I left, I'll probably be staring into space at some random place, still wondering what went wrong. It was a long pleasant talk, we've always been so strangely similar in the ways we behave, so his past experiences really pulled me back to where I used to be. To remind myself what I really want, which is to find myself, my optimism, my tad of self confidence again. Our talk helped me feel Jia Da's motivation again. To try my best to be confident of who I am, and not be deterred by others because it's too unique to be accepted. Strange, for that moments I felt like Love was trying to tell me that all this while but I refused to accept it. Well now I do, haha, Love are you proud of me, haha. And we have Ezra to thank.. Lol..

Now, I look forward to school tomorrow more than ever. To let me apologise to my friends and tell them how glad I am to have them. (Hey guys on lj, I havent forgotten yall yet too.. Thanks I love you :)) Well, I'll just let K do what he thinks is the best, for me, I'll just not be so gullible again. Authority can only have that much authority over a person's success, failure, pain or joy. I'll be myself and hurry along to do my chemistry tutorials now so that I can afford to let myself attend training tomorrow.

 

(Wah! My phone's camera isnt too bad huh! No macro etc but it's acceptably sharp despite having a photographer with super unstable hands haha)

No, this is not good, Hello Kitty Happy Meal toys are Completely SOLD OUT by the start of second week. Sheesh, are there really so many hello kitty fanatics out there, or is Macdonalds trying to cheat me of my feelings! ): Haumph. Wasted trips to Macdonalds grrr.

It hasn't been too bad, I'm getting along fine at this moment, just a wee bit unlike my usual self, ie. being more hardworking than I actually am. (Hm, on a sidenote, I do wonder if I've been absorbing what I have been learning, or am I simply daydreaming as usual..) Oh well, at least I am not doing any random drastic thing to myself like hiding in some corner or forcing myself to return home to enjoy my favourite past time of sleeping.
[To Weiyi, please read as: I am studying hard! Maybe for the weirdest wrongest reasons but at least I am trying again whee :D]

Alright, so now what? 
1. I continue to count the days that you are gone
2. I'll watch my hair grow (Please let it be Black though!) 
3. I'll pray for the Hello Kitty Toys to be back for the Happy Meals by tomorrow
Awesome, well thought out and goal-driven, things will get better :]

Tell you what, maybe I'll just be the silent observer - just like what I did last Saturday, to crew and stand by the wings and watch the dramas take place. (maybe even cheer for my friends' courage like last Saturday for jonshin and chiling! haha) Things seem to be becoming scheming and I cannot catch up with such stuff, so I shall learn to take it by my stride.
For now, I'll just take action for studies, my love and touch rug.

I like the silence resounding on (in?) my eardrums now..

Hm, I don't really understand why, but at times of disappointment, I am disappointed about the things that is least expected to be disappointed by. Human behaviour. The way I behave, the way I think, the way I react, seem to be so different from everyone else in my CT.. Haven't found any complementary puzzle pieces that makes me look forward to school. It's not that people are horrible and makes me dislike them, but the problem lies with the fact that I am not accustomed to such... unique behaviours of... elitism? individualism? nonchalence? Everyone in class is nice in their own ways, but somehow nothing seems to fit. I just.. cannot see myself feeling better each day, I cannot wait for the day to end, to return home, ignore everything and sleep. Sleep is no longer a form of rest, it's like this channel to avoid everything in life right now. It's awkwardly stupidly cowardly, but I have few things to look forward to when I am awake. 

Of the things that I look forward to is training. I may not be the best, but I really enjoy training. Learning new strategies (yet barely remembering them), running and running, laughing. I like being in fields. The space, the serenity, the different breath of air. But I do have to admit, I keep considering the options of doing bits of theatre now.. Just hope opportunities do not come by so soon, so that I will not get tempted.. Very very tempting to do anything related to theatre now, you know! 

Hm. But recently, what puzzled me more is that we do know of our flaws, yet we refuse, or decide not to correct them. Apologies aren't that hard, it is the change for the better that we are not willing to try to strive for. Not hard enough anyway. So I have decided to be as frank as I can when i apologise, to really mean what I say when I promise to change.

I am looking forward to Friday night and the weekends though..

Alrighty, no more silence, happy locoroco and guu music shall accompany me till I decide to sleep again.. Hm.. It harder and harder to be positive nowadays. Maybe its the constant pessimism from The Environment, but that's merely an excuse to conform to everyone else's way of life.. Why can't we just be happy!? Being sad only changes the aura around you and disturbs everyone else.. But I guess we have a right to choose what we want to be.